


Something Oddly Celebratory, Like Sticking Up a Middle Finger to the Skies

by Biscuit Lion (cookiethelion)



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, Holding Hands, Implied/Referenced Blow Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:41:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29041059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookiethelion/pseuds/Biscuit%20Lion
Summary: In which Shinwon stays up every night, waiting for Hwitaek to return home.
Relationships: Ko Shinwon/Lee Hwitaek | Hui
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Something Oddly Celebratory, Like Sticking Up a Middle Finger to the Skies

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this took a while to write. This started when I wanted to have a good old natter about Pentgon on Immortal Songs and Hui's appearances on Lotto Singer (and just Lotto Singer in general, tbh), and then it turned into me writing to cope with Hwitaek's enlistment, so that gets mentioned quite a lot.
> 
> Specific Lotto Singer stages mentioned: Hui's [Mirotic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a11GEdoTans), Kim Shinui's [Lonely Night](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCY9oFeS0RU). English translated lyrics for Lonely Night comes from [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80JArxRPEWo).

At eleven fifty-five in the evening, Shinwon sat down at the kitchen island to eat his midnight snack of instant noodles and a plate of bulgogi of varying thickness. There was a bottle of soy milk next to his bowl, but that wasn’t for him. Five minutes later, he heard the lock in the front door turn, and he knew it was Hwitaek. Today, he was back from recording Lotto Singer; but on a regular day, he was always the first person out the dorm and the last one to return.

“Hyung,” Shinwon called out, over the noise of Hwitaek kicking his shoes off in the doorway.

“Shinwon-ah,” he heard Hwitaek call back, in what sounded like a borderline aegyo tone. There was a hint of tiredness as well.

“Are you hungry?” said Shinwon. He heard footsteps, and then Hwitaek shuffled into the room. His eyelids were drooping a little, but the smile on his face reached the corners of his eyes.

“A little bit,” said Hwitaek. He blinked when he noticed the bulgogi and the milk. “I thought we were out of beef?”

“We won it today, on Immortal Songs.” Shinwon smiled. “The presenters gave a set away to whoever had the best speciality. We got some soy milk as well.” He slid the bottle over to Hwitaek, who picked it up and started to turn it around in his hands.

“What does it taste like?” he said.

Shinwon shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t tried it yet.”

“I meant the beef.”

“Oh, it’s the best. I made it myself.”

“Really?” Hwitaek put the bottle down. “I don’t think I’ve ever tried bulgogi made by you.”

Shinwon leaned over to pick the thinnest slice of beef that he could see.

“Open wide,” he said. He cupped his other hand underneath the beef as he swivelled to his left, where Hwitaek was waiting with his mouth open. Shinwon hovered the chopsticks over Hwitaek’s mouth, and then dropped the meat.

He put the chopsticks down as he watched Hwitaek’s face. At first, the older man was focused on eating—and then their eyes met, and his cheeks puffed out slightly as he continued to chew.

“What do you think?” said Shinwon, when it looked like Hwitaek was finished. “Who makes the better bulgogi, me or Hongseok hyung?”

“Hongseok,” said Hwitaek, and then he giggled as Shinwon stared.

“Wrong answer,” said Shinwon.

“I know.” Hwitaek walked over to the other side of the room. As he pulled open a drawer, he asked, “How long did you marinade the meat for?”

“About twenty minutes?” Shinwon picked at a noodle. “I left it to soak while I had a shower.”

“I think that was too quick.” Hwitaek turned around, now with a pair of chopsticks in hand, and he closed the drawer with a bump of his hip. “Hongseok usually leaves his beef for at least an hour before he grills it.”

“I didn’t have the time. We didn’t get back that long before you.”

“Okay.” Hwitaek pushed himself up onto a bar stool, and shuffled into place. He dragged the bottle towards him, and then reached over to pick up another piece of beef. “How did the recording go anyway? Did you win anything else?”

Shinwon shook his head. Hwitaek patted his wrist, before resting his hand on top.

“Who did you lose to?” said Hwitaek.

“Boohwal.”

Hwitaek snorted. “Seriously? What did they sing, Lonely Night?”

Shinwon rolled his eyes. “No, they sung A Goose’s Dream.”

He knew what Hwitaek was referring to. The producer of Immortal Songs had emailed them the list of songs to choose from and that show’s line-up; but the email had come through on the Thursday that marked two months until Hwitaek’s enlistment. Shinwon had started the day dour, but to receive that email had felt like a joke. They’d already known that Hwitaek couldn’t join them because of Lotto Singer, and to be reminded of that on _that_ particular Thursday had depressed Shinwon to the point that he’d bought a six pack of maekju from the nearby convenience store in the evening, and then drunk five cans in a row. He had opened the sixth when Hwitaek had seemed to rush in out of nowhere and swiped it out of his hands.

“You’ve drunk enough already,” Hwitaek had said. “Shinwon-ah, what’s wrong?”

Shinwon had tried to tell Hwitaek, but he’d got as far as opening up the email when he’d realised that there were no words to explain. Hwitaek hadn’t pushed him for one—he knew Shinwon too well to even try and ask—but they had somehow ended up listening to a lot of Yurisangja and Boohwal songs. It had been fun singing along to To My Bride while Shinwon had stared at Hwitaek and traced vague heart shapes on the back of his hands; and they had belted out the “I love you”s at the end of Rain And Your Story with so much passion that Shinwon had a fuzzy memory of Hongseok telling them off about it.

What had irked Shinwon the most—and it still spited him until now—was that Hwitaek had taken the biggest liking to Lonely Night. Out of all of Boohwal’s back catalogue, he had had to pick the one song about loneliness and longing. Why couldn’t he have settled for something more positive like Never Ending Story? What was wrong with the song about lovers reuniting?

“Lonely Night’s a good song,” Hwitaek had explained, after some pressing on Shinwon’s part. “Anyway, I don’t feel lonely. Even when I’ve got a solo schedule, I know I’ve still got you at the end of the day. You don’t feel lonely, do you?”

Shinwon had been close to passing out at that point, and his brain had decided that he didn’t know how to speak any language at all. He’d answered by putting an arm around Hwitaek’s shoulders and had pulled him over until he was partially lying on top of him. Shinwon had kissed the top of Hwitaek’s head as he had run his thumb over his forehead, and brushed back the tips of his fringe to feel soft, warm skin. He’d drifted off to Hwitaek singing Lonely Night under his breath, amazed at how he was able to turn the song into a lullaby, even when he was hitting all the notes.

“Unlucky,” said Hwitaek, and his voice drew Shinwon back to reality. “There’s always next time.”

Shinwon almost dropped the noodles he was holding. Sure, there was always going to be another chance to try and win at least one round of the competition, and maybe the trophy if they were really lucky—except, there was no next time for Hwitaek, at least not for another two years. There might not even be any more Immortal Songs to look forward to by the time he returned.

“That’s enough about us,” said Shinwon. He spoke louder than he’d expected, but at least it helped him move things on. “How was _your_ recording, hyung?” He shoved the noodles into his mouth. If he frowned or got teary-eyed, he could always say that he was really enjoying his food.

Hwitaek groaned, and Shinwon looked up in time to see him drop his head onto his arm.

“You know I said I’d reset my score, no matter what?” said Hwitaek. His voice was a little muffled, but Shinwon could hear his pain.

“Yeah,” said Shinwon. His mouth was still full.

“I think I made a mistake.”

“What did you get? 4000? 4100? 4200?”

“4402.”

Shinwon’s mouth fell open. He ignored the half-chewed noodle dangling out over the corner of his mouth. “That’s _amazing_. That’s higher than what most of group A scored.”

“Yeah, but what if I do worse for the second stage?” said Hwitaek, as he lifted up his head again. He flipped his chopsticks around so that he was now using the thick end.

“You won’t. Nobody’s scored worse the second time round.”

Hwitaek didn’t look confident. He rose up off his barstool, and plucked the noodle off Shinwon’s face before dropping it back into his mouth. Shinwon began to chew again.

“It doesn’t mean it can’t happen.” Hwitaek turned his chopsticks around, and grabbed another piece of beef.

Shinwon wriggled his hand out from under Hwitaek’s, and then put it on top of his.

“Hyung, you’re going to be fine,” he said. He gripped Hwitaek’s hand. “I’ve already voted for you on that app. You better get me the prize money.”

Hwitaek chuckled as he held Shinwon’s hand back. “You do know you’ve got to pick five other singers as well?”

“I’ve done that already.”

“You can always change your mind.”

Shinwon shook his head. “Absolutely not. I’m your number one fan.” He sat up straighter as he remembered a conversation that had occurred in the car on the way back. “Speaking of fans, what have you been telling them?”

Hwitaek blinked. “What’s this about?”

“Our fans have been posting our video calls with them on Twitter. Hongseok hyung saw some of the ones you had.”

“I said a lot of things.” Hwitaek frowned. “Please don’t tell me I’ve spoiled something about our concert.”

“You told someone to think about you once every three days.” Shinwon pulled his hand back to put it on his hip instead. “Why once every three days? Why can’t it be every day?”

Hwitaek slouched a little, obviously relieved that the situation wasn’t as serious as he’d first thought.

“Our fans are busy,” he said, “they haven’t got the time to think about me every day.”

“I’m your fan, I’m busy, and I think about you all the time.”

“You’re different. You’re more than just my fan.”

Shinwon hummed. “That’s true,” he said. “I’m also a fan of Jo Jinho hyung and Yang Hongseok hyung and Kang Hyunggu and—” Before he could finish, he watched Hwitaek laugh and rock back on the stool, and he laughed along with him.

“You know what I mean, Shinwon-ah.”

Shinwon blushed a little. Of course, he was also Hwitaek’s teammate, dormmate, most beloved dongsaeng who wasn’t called Kang Hyunggu, and best friend with occasional benefits. When he said occasional, he really meant it; the last time he had used his benefits was back in that period when Hwitaek was wrapping up on Best Entertainment but still had a few runs of his musical left, and the Daisy promotions were looming closer and closer. He wondered, for a moment, if Hwitaek was asking for something more tonight—but then he saw Hwitaek turn away from the island as he yawned with his hand over his mouth. A second later, Shinwon also yawned.

“We should get some sleep soon,” said Hwitaek, as he faced Shinwon again.

“I know,” said Shinwon, now aware that they only had about three or four hours of sleep until they had to start getting ready for The Show. “Eat up.”

Hwitaek picked up another piece, and looked at the beef for a second. “Why is this one so thick?” he said, before he ate it.

Shinwon rolled his eyes. “We can’t all cut meat beautifully like Hongseok hyung,” he said.

“It’s charming. It’s like you’ve got a signature style. The beef is either thick or thin, you don’t marinade it for long, and it’s cooked to…” Hwitaek paused as he grabbed another slice. “…let’s call it medium well?”

“That’s not a flattering picture.”

Hwitaek smiled until his eyes were crescents, and his crow’s feet appeared. “It’s so cute,” he said. “Only you could cook bulgogi like that.”

“Why do I feel like I’m being damned by faint praise?”

“Ya—” Hwitaek chewed on the beef as he put his chopsticks down, and crossed his arms. He pouted, but he just looked cute instead of angry. “Do I look like that type of person?”

“Yes,” said Shinwon, grinning. Hwitaek whined at him; and like that, their evening continued.

***

The following evening, Shinwon called Hwitaek at eleven thirty. He was sat on his bed in the living room—some would call it the sofa, but as long as his pillow and blanket were thrown on, it was his bed—and he had tried to sleep for the past twenty minutes, except he’d kept turning around and opening his eyes.

“Hyung, where are you?” said Shinwon, the moment Hwitaek picked up.

“I’m still in the studio,” said Hwitaek. He sounded a little hoarse.

“What are you even doing in there?”

“I’m not telling you,” said Hwitaek. Shinwon could picture him smiling as he spoke. “You’ll find out later.”

“You’re not writing a secret bonus track for our next album, are you?”

“Maybe.”

“You better be working on a speech explaining why I should be the next leader.”

“I could be doing that,” said Hwitaek, followed by a giggle. “Anyway, what’re you doing now? Shouldn’t you be going to sleep?”

“I’m trying, but I can’t sleep.” Shinwon pulled his duvet up to his neck.

“Why not?” Hwitaek sounded confused. “You’ve been up since four.”

“So have you, but you’re still awake,” said Shinwon.

Hwitaek sighed. “I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t be used to it.”

“Shinwon-ah, just go to sleep.” Hwitaek’s tone was firm. “I think I’ll be back before midnight. I want to get a part done before I—”

“You know what?” said Shinwon. He pinched the phone between his ear and shoulder, and used his free hands to wrap the duvet around himself. “I’m not sleeping until you’re back.”

“What? Don’t be stupid.” Hwitaek’s tone hadn’t changed, but Shinwon could imagine him putting his hand on his forehead.

“I want to be stupid.”

“Since when did you become this stubborn?”

“I’ve always been stubborn. It’s just, not everything’s worth being stubborn over.” Shinwon pinched the front of the duvet with his right hand, and he picked up his phone again with his left. “I’m going to the kitchen, and I’m going to wait for you to come back.”

“You don’t have to. Stay in the living room—”

“I’ll be closer to the front door.”

“It’s not going to make much difference.”

Shinwon ignored him as he entered the kitchen. He hung up not long after he’d sat down at the island; and as he waited for Hwitaek to come back, he began to play a match-three game on his phone.

At some point, Shinwon put his phone down, but he wasn’t sure when. All he knew was that when he heard the front door finally open, he had his head slumped on the island, and his arms were crossed over his slightly shivering body and grabbing as much duvet as he could. His eyelids were heavy, but he managed to keep his eyes open long enough to see Hwitaek appear on the other side of the doorway.

“Hyung, you’re back,” he said, as he sat upright.

Hwitaek shook his head as he approached. “Shinwon-ah,” he said. “I thought you weren’t being serious.”

Shinwon smiled a little. “I’m a very serious person, hyung,” he said.

Hwitaek rolled his eyes. “Of course you are. _Now_ will you go to sleep?”

“You’re back, so yes, I will.” Shinwon stood up, and followed Hwitaek into the living room.

“I’ll get the lights,” said Hwitaek. “Just … go to sleep.” He stood with his back to the wall, and watched as Shinwon returned to his bed.

The moment Shinwon laid down, the room went dark. He could still just about see Hwitaek’s figure, and he could hear the latter’s footsteps draw nearer to him. Then he felt a hand brush his fringe back slightly, and he closed his eyes as Hwitaek kissed him on his forehead.

***

By Wednesday, Shinwon waiting in the kitchen for Hwitaek to return had become a habit.

Hongseok and Hyunggu knew about it by Friday, and neither of them minded. It was Shinwon and Hwitaek’s private little hour, where they could talk and laugh and tease each other as freely as they pleased. On a more cynical level though, if Shinwon refusing to sleep was the only way of guilt tripping Hwitaek into coming back to the dorm earlier, then it was worth depriving himself of sleep to prove his point.

Most of the time, Shinwon was eating when Hwitaek came in, and he would start sharing his food without Hwitaek asking. On some days, they just drank soy milk; and sometimes, they didn’t bother with food or drink at all. The Monday after promotions had ended was one such evening. Shinwon hadn’t seen Hwitaek since the morning, when Hwitaek had left for the salon to dye half of his hair red. Afterwards, Shinwon knew that he’d spent the afternoon rehearsing Mirotic, before he’d returned to the studio to work on his mysterious project. Shinwon had given up asking at this point; he figured that he’d find out when the time was right.

Shinwon straightened up when he heard the door unlock—and then Hwitaek appeared. His fringe was still black, but it was possible to see the red tips peeking out from behind.

“Show me your hair,” said Shinwon.

Hwitaek blushed a little as he walked in. “Everyone I’ve met so far says it looks good,” he said.

“That’s good.”

“I hope it is.” Hwitaek trod on the footrest of the stool, and used the edge of the island to push himself up. He sat down in Shinwon’s lap, and bowed his head. “What do you think?”

Shinwon hooked his right arm across Hwitaek’s waist to steady him, and ran his left hand through his hair.

“I love it,” said Shinwon. “I really do. You should’ve dyed your hair like this for Daisy.”

“Who did it best?” said Hwitaek, as he raised his head again. He wrapped his arms around Shinwon’s shoulders, and smiled. “Me or Hongseok?”

“Hongseok hyung,” said Shinwon.

Hwitaek stopped smiling, and they stared at each other for a few seconds. Shinwon pursed his lips together to keep a straight face.

“Wrong answer,” said Hwitaek. The stool creaked as Hwitaek pressed down on the footrest, and he lifted up his bottom and arched his back like he was trying to leave. Shinwon laughed as he tightened his grip around Hwitaek and, without much difficulty, managed to lower him back down.

“Wait, I wasn’t finished,” said Shinwon. “Hongseok hyung’s hair doesn’t compare to yours.”

Hwitaek narrowed his eyes like he was suspicious, before they turned into crescents as he smiled. He rested his head on Shinwon’s shoulder, and Shinwon reacted by pulling him even closer.

“Okay, I’ll let you off the hook,” said Hwitaek. He fell silent as he threaded a hand through the hair on the back of Shinwon’s head.

“How did rehearsals go, anyway?” said Shinwon. He could feel Hwitaek breathing down the side of his neck.

“I think it could’ve gone better.” Hwitaek didn’t sound disappointed. “Actually, if you’re not feeling sleepy yet, can we go over some of the lyrics? I want to work on the delivery.”

“You can practice on me as much as you want.”

Hwitaek sat up straight, and lifted his head up to look at Shinwon directly. “I’m not singing,” he said. “I’m speaking the chorus instead.”

Shinwon cocked his head. “Show me,” he said. “I can’t imagine it being spoken.”

“Can you do the backing vocals? When I say ‘I got you’, you say ‘you you’ after me.”

Shinwon nodded. He slipped his hand out from Hwitaek’s hair, and rested his arm across his shoulders instead. At the same time, the gleam in Hwitaek’s eyes changed; and for a moment, it was like they were back to promoting Dr. Bebe. Shinwon’s main memory from back then was when he’d once locked eyes with Hwitaek in the mirror of the dance studio, during the ‘gratatata’ part. After returning to the dorm, they had kissed with so much desperation that they had fallen into the shoe closet. Shinwon could still remember wanting to just take Hwitaek right there, and how they’d giggled so hard when Hongseok had yelled at them to get their arses off his Balenciagas, and how Hyunggu had been so traumatised that when they met up the next morning, the others in Dorm B had decided it was best not to ask.

“ _You want me_.” Hwitaek had dropped his voice to a whisper, and Shinwon felt a slight shiver run down his spine. He figured that this was how Hwitaek intended to deliver the chorus, but at the same time, it felt like Hwitaek was putting on a show just for him as well. “ _You’ve fallen for me_.”

Shinwon nodded out of habit. He gasped when he felt the hand on the back of his head move, as if to remind him that he wasn’t meant to be reacting like that.

“ _You’re crazy for me_.” Hwitaek seemed to be leaning in with every word he spoke, and Shinwon couldn’t keep his mouth closed anymore, or take his eyes off the older man. “ _You can’t escape. I got you_.”

There was a slight pause as Shinwon remembered what he had to do. “ _You you_ ,” he said.

“ _I got you_.”

“ _You you_.”

“ _I got you_.”

“ _You you_.” Shinwon licked his lips. There was barely any distance left between them, and the temptation to close the gap now was getting stronger.

Hwitaek ran his other hand along Shinwon’s cheek, and then dipped down past his earlobe and along the side of his head. He nestled both hands in Shinwon’s hair, and ignored the quiet gasp that came out of Shinwon’s mouth.

“ _Under my skin_ ,” said Hwitaek. He let out a shaky breath, but the stare in his eyes seemed even more intense than earlier. Before Shinwon could say anything, Hwitaek kissed him.

Shinwon kissed him back, and moaned when he felt Hwitaek’s tongue slide inside his mouth. He gripped his shoulder to pull him as close as he could get him. It had been at least a month since they’d been able to do this, and it was only now, when he had Hwitaek pressing down hard on him and sighing into his mouth, that he realised just how much he’d missed this. He’d forgotten how hard his heart pounded, or how he was sure he’d stopped breathing every time Hwitaek tugged his hair.

Hwitaek drew back first. The intense stare was gone, replaced by something softer yet just as desperate. Shinwon drew in huge breaths, but it seemed to make his heart flutter even harder.

“Do you…?” Shinwon started. “…are you meant to kiss someone after the chorus…?”

Hwitaek shook his head. “I only did it because it was you,” he said. “What do you think?”

Shinwon blinked. “That was amazing.”

“Which part?”

Shinwon stared. The only thing he remembered was Hwitaek looking at him; he knew the lyrics to Mirotic, but he couldn’t actually recall anything being spoken.

“I don’t remember anything,” he said. He saw Hwitaek pout. “If you kiss me again, I might—” He was cut off when Hwitaek smashed their lips together again.

This time, Shinwon nearly fell off the stool as he felt Hwitaek lean his entire body on him. With a grin, Hwitaek climbed off the stool, and Shinwon let the older man grip his hand and drag him out of the kitchen. They slowed down as they went through the living room, although Shinwon stood his ground when Hwitaek tried to nudge him towards the sofa, which already had a pillow and duvet thrown on top.

“Not here, hyung,” said Shinwon.

“Why not?” said Hwitaek, sounding as innocent as he could. “It’s your bed, Shinwon-ah.”

“It’s everyone’s sofa in the day.”

“What, you’re scared of Hongseok?” As Hwitaek smiled, his tongue poked out the corner of his mouth. “He’s not going to tell us off. I won’t let him.”

“No, I don’t want to scar him for life.”

Hwitaek just laughed as he pulled Shinwon further into the flat, where his room was. Shinwon didn’t resist as Hwitaek pushed him down onto his bed, and then straddled him and kissed him again. His hands tangled in Shinwon’s hair again; and Shinwon placed his hands on the small of Hwitaek’s back, right on a sliver of exposed torso just above the waistline of his jeans.

***

Shinwon woke up to the sound of Hwitaek half-singing, half-mumbling something about a ‘red ocean’.

He frowned as he stretched his legs a little. For a start, he was still lying in Hwitaek’s bed; and although the curtains were drawn, it was clear that it was still dark outside. Hwitaek was lying mostly on top of his right side, although he did have an arm sprawled across Shinwon’s chest, and one leg slipped in-between Shinwon’s. His chin was resting on Shinwon’s shoulder.

“Hyung?” said Shinwon, although it came out as a whisper.

Hwitaek stopped for a second, like he had heard Shinwon. Then he continued, “ _I’m breaking my rules again_ …”

Shinwon sighed, and managed to free enough of his right arm to start stroking the back of Hwitaek’s head. The shorter man frowned slightly, but then relaxed again and fell silent when Shinwon moved on to his nape. He finished by running his hand up and down along Hwitaek’s back, even if he could only reach as far as his shoulder blades.

As Shinwon gently drifted off to sleep again, he felt Hwitaek’s arm tighten across his chest.

***

There were now just sixteen days to go until Hwitaek’s enlistment, and Shinwon tried to distract himself by replaying Yuto’s V Live from earlier.

If Shinwon had to fault Yuto for anything, it was that he sometimes overshared too much. Did he need to tell Universe that Hwitaek had barely slept during Daisy promotions? What if he had also revealed that Shinwon was waiting for him each night? As much as Shinwon loved talking to their fans, it didn’t mean he wanted to share every minor detail with them.

“Shinwon-ah,” he just about heard Hwitaek call from the doorway. “Look what our team won.”

Shinwon pulled his earphones out. Hwitaek walked in, and he was cradling a gift set of ten gulbi in his arms. Shinwon started to clap and cheer, and Hwitaek blushed and mumbled something about it being ‘just fish’.

“Congrats, hyung.” Shinwon continued clapping until Hwitaek put the fish down on the island. “Did they give each of you a set?”

Hwitaek nodded. “Jo Ella wanted to give me her set as well,” he said. “She said it was important to eat gulbi when I still can.”

Shinwon pursed his lips together. It wasn’t like Hwitaek’s enlistment was a secret, but all these gestures of goodwill were reminders of what Shinwon was going to be losing soon. He hated it, but also felt proud at the outpouring of love that Hwitaek was receiving. Maybe, as a compromise, it should be a rule that outsiders were not allowed to bring up anyone’s enlistment until everyone in the group could accept the situation first.

“Are you going to have that for breakfast tomorrow?” said Shinwon.

“No. I want to save it for a special day.”

Shinwon nodded. The next special day he could think of was their concert, or maybe the last breakfast that they were going to have together for a while.

“What are you watching?” said Hwitaek, as he glanced at the phone. “Is that Yuto?”

“Yeah, he did a live earlier.” Shinwon paused the video.

“Oh, yeah, I saw the notification. Did he say anything interesting?”

“He told Universe that you didn’t sleep much last month.”

Hwitaek leaned on the counter. “That’s not news. Unis know that by now.”

“He told them that we all felt bad about it. We felt bad that you were staying up and we couldn’t do anything to help you.”

Hwitaek shook his head, and he clasped Shinwon’s hand. “You’re such a big group of softies,” he said.

“I dare you to say that to Jinho hyung’s face,” said Shinwon, grinning. “He’s just as worried as we are.”

Hwitaek laughed, but then fell silent. Neither of them said anything as Shinwon let Hwitaek lift up his fingers, sometimes individually, sometimes two at a time. It was like Hwitaek was thinking, and Shinwon didn’t want to interrupt him.

“You really shouldn’t feel bad,” said Hwitaek, eventually. He was still looking down.

“Hyung, you’re going soon.” Shinwon paused to swallow the lump that had risen in his throat. “You’re going, but you’re choosing to spend your time in the studio away from us.”

“The world’s not going to stop just because I’m enlisting.”

Shinwon put his other hand on top of Hwitaek’s, halting him. He wanted to say that it felt like it would, and although the words were on the tip of his tongue, he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud.

They looked up at the same time, and leaned in at the same time until their lips met in the middle. Shinwon tilted his head to deepen the kiss slightly. There was no heat, no burning passion there; just a slow, gentle kiss that made Shinwon’s heart flutter. When they parted, he saw how Hwitaek’s eyes sparkled; and feeling his courage rise, Shinwon opened his mouth, and blurted out—

“Hyung, can I sleep with you?”

Hwitaek blinked, like he was trying to understand what exactly Shinwon was asking him. Shinwon blushed as he clarified, “I mean, like, just sharing a bed and having a cuddle, not … erm … well, if other things happen, then yeah, but—”

“I wondered why you were propositioning me,” said Hwitaek, smiling.

Shinwon’s face burned even harder. “Not like that, hyung.”

“I know, just teasing.” Hwitaek rested his head on Shinwon’s shoulder. “Are you finally fed up with the sofa, then?”

“No, I want to spend more time with my favourite hyung.”

Hwitaek opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but then he yawned, and so did Shinwon.

“Well,” said Hwitaek, as he tugged Shinwon’s fingers, “are you coming?”

That was how Shinwon ended up sleeping in Hwitaek’s bed, and hugging him across his torso. Hwitaek was lying on top of him, with one leg spread over Shinwon’s legs, and his head resting on Shinwon’s chest. He had fallen asleep within minutes; and even though Shinwon’s eyelids were drooping, he struggled to sleep, and decided to stroke the back of Hwitaek’s head.

They had never really talked before about what they were, because there was no need; it was just something that happened between them. Everyone else knew, of course, but the only time that Shinwon could remember it being addressed directly was when Jinho visited them for the first time since enlisting. He’d woken Shinwon up by asking him, “Have you sorted out your relationship with Hwitaek yet?”

He hadn’t felt the need to sort anything out back then, because things had been fine. In hindsight, though, Shinwon wished he had done something. He was starting to fear that whatever they had was on thin ice. What if Hwitaek came back and decided that he didn’t want any more sex from Shinwon? They had been whatever they were now since the end of Runaway promotions, when it had been just the two of them in a dance studio one evening and Hwitaek had demanded to dance Hyunggu’s part with Shinwon. He’d twirled around and landed in Shinwon’s arms and kissed him, hard, seconds later. Shinwon sometimes still dreamed of the scene.

Runaway had been three years ago—and they were reaching that number when couples usually started to fall apart, according to the websites that Shinwon had been looking up. Hwitaek had five weeks of military training to get through, and even though he was doing public service, he was still going to be spending most of his time away from him. Their relationship had to survive nearly two years of separation, then a brief reunion before it was Shinwon’s turn to leave, and Shinwon was too scared to view the outcome optimistically.

Shinwon opened his eyes when he felt Hwitaek move his arm. He lifted his head just a little, and then realised that he could hear the other man singing.

“ _Lonely night_ … _so lonely night_ …”

“Hyung, no,” said Shinwon. He pursed his lips when he felt Hwitaek look up at him.

“What?” said Hwitaek, hoarsely. He shuffled up closer to Shinwon, but he lowered his leg.

“You were singing Lonely Night.” Shinwon paused. “Don’t sing that. Please.”

“I can’t control my dreams, Shinwon-ah.”

“I know, but…” Shinwon fell silent again as he continued to stroke Hwitaek’s head. He heard the older man sigh, and he sounded content. “…there’s better memories of you and me, right?”

Hwitaek never answered.

***

The next evening, Shinwon didn’t ask Hwitaek if they could sleep in the same bed together; he followed the older man into his bedroom as they talked about something trivial, and the next thing he knew, he was sleeping his bed and spooning him. If Shinwon ever drew back slightly, or moved any limb into a more comfortable position, Hwitaek whined until he felt that everything was satisfactory again. In the morning, Shinwon was roused when he felt Hwitaek kiss his forehead, and then he realised that he was now hugging empty air.

Over the following week, neither of them talked about their new sleeping arrangement. It was like they had both come to an unspoken decision that Hwitaek’s bedroom had now become Hwitaek and Shinwon’s bedroom. Plus, Shinwon had a feeling that Hongseok and Hyunggu were both relieved that the living room no longer turned into anybody’s bedroom at night.

On the Wednesday leading up to their concert, something amazing happened: Hwitaek returned to their dorm at the same time as Shinwon, Hongseok, and Hyunggu. For the first time in weeks, there was no need to wait in the kitchen. Shinwon wasn’t sure if he liked this change, however, and he glanced over his shoulder to look at Hwitaek.

“Give me a minute,” said Shinwon. “I really want to be in the kitchen when you come in.”

Hwitaek laughed, but he agreed. Shinwon entered their dorm, and then shut the door.

“Seriously?” said Hongseok, while Shinwon was taking off his shoes.

“Hwitaek hyung doesn’t mind it,” was all Shinwon said to him.

He took his place at the kitchen island; and as he yelled for Hwitaek to come in, an idea crossed his mind. When he heard his dormmate enter the flat, Shinwon slid off his stool. The moment the older man appeared, Shinwon threw his arms wide apart.

“We won an AAA award,” he said, at the top of his lungs.

Hwitaek tried to look unamused, even though his lips were twitching into a smile. He turned on his heel and fled, and Shinwon giggled and uttered a stream of “no”s and “come back”s as he chased him. He ran into Hwitaek’s room, where he found Hwitaek already sitting on the edge of his bed and smiling at him—and Shinwon ran until his knee bumped the side of the bed, and he pushed Hwitaek over and landed on top of him.

He buried his face into the mattress, and for a moment, all he could smell was lavender laundry detergent and baby powder. Hwitaek must have changed the sheets at some point in the morning; Shinwon didn’t remember the bed smelling this fresh last night. He put his left arm by the other side of Hwitaek’s head, and breathed in at the same time as Hwitaek. The older man felt so warm underneath him that Shinwon could have fallen asleep right there.

“Your hair’s tickling me,” said Hwitaek, and he patted Shinwon’s back.

“Sorry,” said Shinwon, as he turned his head. He smiled at Hwitaek, who was looking at him with his mouth parted into a small, open smile.

“Your hair smells nice, by the way.” Hwitaek brought a hand to the side of Shinwon’s head, and began to stroke his hair. “Did you change shampoo recently?”

“I did.” Shinwon wanted to point out that Hwitaek would’ve known the answer if he’d bothered spending longer in the dorm, but he changed his mind. “When did you change the sheets?”

“After you went to brush your teeth. I knew we’d come back late, so I thought I’d get it done nice and early.”

“Why though?” The question slipped out of Shinwon’s mouth before he could stop himself.

Hwitaek frowned, and his hand rested on the top of Shinwon’s ear. “I thought it was about time I changed them,” he said.

“You’re not going to enjoy the clean sheets for long.”

“Shinwon-ah, I’m still here for another week.” Hwitaek began to sit up, and so did Shinwon. “I’m not going to sleep on sheets with your sweat on.”

“I thought you liked how I smell?” Shinwon looked jokingly offended, and Hwitaek countered by wrapping both arms around Shinwon’s body and rested his head on his shoulders.

“Your smell doesn’t smell good on sheets.”

“What kind of an argument is that?”

“You’re going to miss this, when I’m not around.”

Shinwon hummed like he was thinking, and he kept it up even after Hwitaek had started to laugh.

“Not really, hyung,” said Shinwon. “I can still tease Hyunggu.”

“Just wait until he argues with you.”

“I’ll get Hongseok hyung to deal with him.”

“Right, and what if he’s at the gym?”

“I’ll just send Hyunggu to the other dorm.”

“I don’t think anybody is going to appreciate that.”

“Never say never, hyung.”

Hwitaek just laughed as he drew Shinwon in even closer. In return, Shinwon gripped Hwitaek’s arm. He closed his eyes as he inhaled, and the smell of baby powder overwhelmed him.

***

Shinwon didn’t know how to feel on Saturday.

On the one hand, it wasn’t important how he felt about their situation. Ever since the group had been told to stay inside their own rooms as a self-quarantining measure for now, he had spent most of his time texting Changgu positive, reassuring words. If Changgu ever spoke like it was his fault that they had to postpone their concert, Shinwon instantly told him to stop taking the blame. He had never behaved irresponsibly or recklessly, Shinwon reminded him.

On the other hand, of course Shinwon was gutted that they had to postpone the concert. They had spent many long days and nights rehearsing for everything, and they’d already planned out every little detail, and they’d gone through several wardrobe fittings. Yet at the same time, Shinwon couldn’t be more delighted that their concert was delayed, because it meant that Hwitaek had to postpone his enlistment—and he was going to be around for Shinwon’s birthday.

At the same time, Shinwon was ashamed of his joy. He was being selfish. Hwitaek wanted to enlist early so that he could come back early, so they could have more time together before it was Shinwon’s turn to leave. Whenever Shinwon looked at the crystal jar that contained Jinho’s hair on his shelf, and the empty jar next to it, he hated himself for even being happy that Hwitaek was still there with them.

Eventually, Shinwon couldn’t cope with his own goddamn feelings, and he decided to video call Hwitaek. The call connected to show Hwitaek’s ceiling at first.

“Hyung, I feel really bad,” said Shinwon. He lied down on his front.

“Why?” said Hwitaek, as his face appeared on the screen.

Shinwon hesitated, as he tried to work out how he could avoid sounding selfish. He settled on, “You were getting ready to go, and now you can’t. Not yet.”

“I thought you’d be happier.”

“Really?” Shinwon bit the nail on his thumb.

“I’m here for your birthday.”

“I know.”

Hwitaek smiled a little. “Shinwon-ah,” he said, “if it happens, it happens.”

Shinwon snorted. “Are you just repeating what you said to Changgu?”

“You sound like you need it as well.”

“It doesn’t feel right to be happy at all. Our concert’s not happening, you’re not leaving, and what if one of us _has_ got COVID? It’s like I’ve got all my priorities wrong when I feel a bit happier because I get to hold your hand for a bit longer.”

“Maybe you _are_ meant to hold my hand for a bit longer.” Hwitaek smiled again, and Shinwon could tell that he was doing his best to cheer him up. “There’s no right or wrong in this situation.”

“Hyung?” said Shinwon, after a short pause. “Can I have a hug?”

Hwitaek giggled. “How are we going to do that?”

“Hug the phone? Like this?” Shinwon rolled over onto his back, and he dropped his phone onto his chest. He figured that all Hwitaek could see was pitch darkness, but it didn’t stop him from wrapping his arms across his chest like he was hugging somebody.

“I feel so warm, Shinwon-ah,” he heard Hwitaek say, his voice muffled from the phone microphone being covered up by Shinwon’s hoodie.

Shinwon laughed as he lifted up his phone. He saw Hwitaek smiling at him for about a second, and then his screen went dark as the older man put his phone on his chest. Shinwon shut his eyes, and it took little effort to imagine Hwitaek actually hugging him in person. For a second, he was convinced he could smell baby powder in the room, until he heard a loud shuffling noise, and he opened his eyes to see Hwitaek pulling his phone back again.

“I don’t think I’m going to get used to sleeping on my own,” said Shinwon, as he sat up.

“If our results are negative, it’s only going to be for tonight,” said Hwitaek.

“I know…” Shinwon glanced to his left, at the desk and chair in his room, and his bookcase. The lower shelves were packed with books and DVDs, but the topmost shelf had been left clear except for two crystals. His eyes lingered on the crystals; one had the nest of Jinho’s hair inside, and the other was empty. It was strange to think that the empty one should have been full in a few days, but—

“What’s up?” he heard Hwitaek ask.

“Nothing,” said Shinwon, as he stood up. “I can see Jinho hyung’s hair.” He reached for the empty crystal, and then sat back down on his bed to put the jar in his lap.

“Isn’t that my jar?” said Hwitaek. Shinwon nodded. “Don’t tell me you’d feel better if that was full already.”

“No, _no_ , of course not, hyung, I’m just…” Shinwon sighed. “…just a bit tired, that’s all.”

“You should get some sleep. I’m sure you’ll feel better when you wake up.”

“Yeah, I should be thinking straight again by then.”

After ending the call and returning the jar to the shelf, Shinwon collapsed face-first onto his bed. Feelings, he decided, were laborious, annoying things that served no purpose other than to make him miserable all day. Things would be so much simpler if he didn’t have feelings. He wouldn’t be worrying over the upcoming separation as badly as he was right now—but he also wouldn’t be in love with Hwitaek, nor would he be wishing that they could be something more, and the thought of that alone was enough to make him even more miserable.

Fuck you, emotions, Shinwon thought as he dragged his pillow down to his head, fuck you so much.

***

The next few days felt odd. Instead of starting their concert at three o’clock on Sunday, their COVID test results came through. They all tested negative, but the company decided it was in their best interests to continue with their self-quarantine until the twelfth; and if the situation was looking good closer to the time, then their concert would go ahead on the thirteenth.

On Monday, instead of helping Hwitaek pack his bags, Shinwon spent half the day lounging in his bed with Hwitaek wrapped tight in his arms, and joking with him that he hadn’t changed his bedsheets in vain after all.

Originally, on Tuesday, Shinwon was supposed to look up which salon to take Hwitaek to on the following day. Instead, he spent his evening slumped on top of Hwitaek and twirling strands of his long fringe around his index finger.

Instead of the entire group travelling to Nonsan on Wednesday, everybody stayed in the dorms. That night, instead of sleeping alone, Shinwon was pinned down to the bed while Hwitaek flitted between stripping him of his shirt and kissing him with a fervour that Shinwon had, for the longest time, thought would happen yesterday. What should have been a clichéd final night of passion had turned into something oddly celebratory, like Hwitaek was sticking up his middle finger to the skies.

As for Shinwon, he took this as a sign that their relationship had to be sorted out. It seemed that they weren’t meant to stay friends with benefits forever; they were either meant to move on into a proper relationship, or this was the start of the breakup. The thought had been gnawing away at his mind over the past few days, and even though he had some courage to bring it up now, he only felt confident enough to dip his toe in the water.

“Hyung,” said Shinwon, when Hwitaek had finally freed him of his shirt. “Can I ask you something?”

Hwitaek took his own shirt off first. As he tossed it over his shoulder, he answered, “Yeah?”

“Do you like pet names?” Shinwon’s face crimsoned when he finished speaking. The question had seemed okay in his mind, but sounded more pathetic when spoken out loud.

Hwitaek looked bemused for a second, and then he smiled. His eyes turned into crescents, which was reassuring.

“It depends what it is,” he said. “What have you got in mind?”

“Can I … can I call you my boyfriend?”

Hwitaek spluttered as his eyes widened. He started to blush as well, which only made Shinwon’s face burn even harder. Oh, no, this wasn’t going well—he had just embarrassed himself in front of the love of his life—

“Yes, you can,” said Hwitaek. Now it was Shinwon’s turn to stare with widened eyes. “Can I call _you_ my boyfriend?”

Shinwon swallowed. “Yes, of course.”

Hwitaek smiled as he leaned in for another kiss, like he was putting the seal of approval on their deal. Shinwon took it, entwining Hwitaek’s fingers with his as he kissed Hwitaek back.

They didn’t talk again after that; Hwitaek’s next move was to pull Shinwon’s jogging bottoms and underwear down. He hadn’t even bothered to take them off properly; he’d left the clothes gathered in a heap around Shinwon’s ankles so that he could start his very enthusiastic blowjob. Shinwon himself forgot about everything, at least until Hwitaek had completed his job; as Shinwon gasped for his breath back, Hwitaek threaded his fingers through his hair and asked him, “How was that, my boyfriend?”

Shinwon blushed so hard that he wouldn’t have been surprised if his whole body had turned red.

“Good…” was all he could say.

Hwitaek pouted. “Was that it?”

Shinwon just about found the energy to roll his eyes, and Hwitaek responded with a giggle.

“This is … not the time … for critical feedback…” said Shinwon. “…my boyfriend…”

Hwitaek opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Shinwon hooked an arm around his neck to bring him down into another kiss. At the same time, he managed to shake both legs free, and he sighed into Hwitaek’s mouth. If he’d known that the word ‘boyfriend’ would send thrills racing through his body, he would have sunk his whole foot into the water. Hell, no, he would have dived in, headfirst.

Oh well, he guessed taking things in baby steps was better than nothing.

***

“ _Lonely night_ … _your image still remains from when you left_ …”

Shinwon opened his eyes straightaway when he heard Hwitaek lightly singing close to his ear. He squinted, and could just about make out that the older man was still asleep.

“ _Lonely night, so lonely night_ … _because of you_ —”

“Hyung—” Shinwon shook and nudged his arm hard enough to stop Hwitaek mid-breath, and then he calmed down when he heard Hwitaek groan.

“What?” said Hwitaek. He lifted his head slightly, and rubbed his eyes twice. “What time is it?”

“You were singing again.” Well, it wasn’t like Shinwon knew. The most specific answer he could have given was “night”.

“Oh.” Hwitaek sighed as he shuffled up closer to Shinwon, and dropped his head on his pillow again. “I thought you liked my singing?”

“Not that song.” Since most of Shinwon’s body was trapped under Hwitaek’s, all he could do was turn his head the other way to face the wall. He pursed his lips to fight his urge to … well, he didn’t feel like full-out crying, but he could sense a tear or two stinging the corners of his eyes.

“Go to sleep, boyfriend.” Hwitaek’s voice was drowsy, but Shinwon could have sworn that there was something different about way he said ‘boyfriend’. It sounded like he was testing out the word, like he wanted to keep calling Shinwon his boyfriend for real, like he wanted to know how it made them both feel.

By the time Shinwon turned back to face Hwitaek again, he saw the older man asleep once more.

***

As their quarantine continued, and the results of their latest tests all came back negative, they were allowed to return to the Cube building again under the condition that they kept their face masks on at all times, and they kept their distance. For the first time in a while, on Saturday, Hwitaek was back in the studio and working until late on another of his many projects; and Shinwon had returned to waiting for him in the kitchen.

There was a part of Shinwon that didn’t want to sleep alone again, now that he knew how wonderful it was to have someone kiss him goodnight and cuddle up to each night. He took his place at the kitchen island at eleven o’clock, and since Hwitaek didn’t know when he would be coming back, Shinwon resorted to catching up on Lotto Singer on his phone. It didn’t matter that this wasn’t the special episode where Hwitaek had won the gulbi from; he just wanted a distraction, and what better way to find one than to watch his many industry seniors compete in two teams for a beef set?

About halfway into the show, however, Shinwon was distracted when he saw Hyunggu enter the kitchen. He watched as the younger man pulled open the fridge door, and he seemed to be looking for something before shutting the door again a few seconds later, still empty-handed. Anticipating that something was up, Shinwon paused the video and pulled out his earphones.

“I’m really confused,” said Hyunggu, as he sat down opposite Shinwon. “So, if I haven’t got things wrong, you and Hwitaek hyung are calling each other ‘boyfriend’s now?”

“We are,” said Shinwon. He raised his eyebrows.

“Right, and you’re sleeping in the same bed every night?”

“Yeah, we are.”

“And you’re having way more sex than you used to do?” Hyunggu looked so nonchalant that Shinwon was briefly thrown by the question.

“Hey—” Shinwon started.

“But you’re not dating?” Hyunggu concluded, with a frown. “You’re still just friends with benefits?”

Shinwon waved his hand. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“You know the word ‘boyfriend’ means you’re actually dating and stuff? Not just hooking up every now and then?”

Shinwon clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Oh, Hyunggu-ya, you’re still wet behind the ears.”

“Errr, no, I’m not.”

“There are many forms of relationships in this world. Not everyone has it plain sailing like you and Hongseok hyung—”

“Shinwon hyung, I know you’re not the best at dealing with your emotions—”

“Can we talk about this later?” said Shinwon, as he picked up his earbuds again. “I’m in the middle of something right now.”

Hyunggu left the kitchen not long after, and Shinwon was free to resume Lotto Singer. His concentration was gone, however, and he began to twiddle his thumbs in time to whatever song was being sung. As much as he loved Hyunggu, he hated how blunt the younger man could be at times. Did he really have to straight-up tell him to his face that he was bad at handling his own feelings? It wasn’t a secret within their team, but nobody was going around exposing everyone’s personality flaws.

Shinwon jumped when he heard a familiar guitar riff, and Kim Shinui singing familiar lyrics. He glanced at the top left corner of the screen, and he hit his head on the island when he saw the words ‘Lonely Night’. What on earth had he done to deserve this? Had there been a resurgence of 90s rock ballads that he’d missed out on recently? Was he about to discover a music competition show called Mr Rockstar, as a spin-off of Miss and Mr Trot?

“Shinwon-ah?” came Hwitaek’s voice out of nowhere, making Shinwon jump again. “Hey, what’s wrong? What’s made my boyfriend so upset?”

Shinwon paused the video just as he heard Shinui sing the last note. As he looked up, he angled his phone towards Hwitaek, and took his earbuds out of his ears again.

“I only wanted to catch up with Lotto Singer,” said Shinwon, “and I feel so attacked right now.”

Hwitaek chuckled, but he was concentrating on the screen, and Shinwon could see him putting all the pieces together.

“Oh, he’s singing Lonely Night?” said Hwitaek, a few seconds later.

“I just want a break from that song.”

“Why? Is it because of my bad singing?” Hwitaek’s tone was light, and Shinwon knew he meant it as a joke, but he didn’t feel like laughing.

“I don’t get it, hyung.”

Hwitaek sat down next to him, and he put his hand over Shinwon’s wrist. “Get what?”

“Why do you keep singing it in your sleep?” Shinwon chose to look down at his own legs. “It makes me think about you leaving, and I hate it.”

Hwitaek didn’t say anything, and Shinwon could feel his hand slide down his wrist and over the back of his palm. At first, he thought that Hwitaek wanted to lace their hands together, and he spread his fingers out a little—but then Hwitaek pinched his index finger first, then his middle, then his ring, and finally his little finger. He held all of Shinwon’s fingers together for a few seconds, before letting go and just holding onto the index finger.

“I think I know what it is,” said Hwitaek. He lifted up Shinwon’s finger, and began to run his thumb up and down the back. “I think it’s the only time I’ve ever sung you to sleep.”

Shinwon looked up, with his eyebrows raised. Hwitaek was staring down at their hands, and he had started to play with his middle finger as well.

“I don’t think I’d ever seen you that drunk, either,” Hwitaek continued. “You’re really cute when you’re a bit out of it, did you know that?”

Shinwon frowned. “That doesn’t sound like a compliment, hyung.”

Hwitaek giggled. “Well, you are. The thing is, when you’re drunk, it’s like I get to see who you are, deep down, when you’re not as restrained. It’s like, _this_ is the guy I’m in love with.”

Shinwon didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he watched as Hwitaek held his fingers together.

“Did you like what you saw?” he said.

“Of course I did, silly. I wouldn’t want to hate my own boyfriend.”

Shinwon swallowed. He swung himself round in his seat so his whole body was facing Hwitaek, and, without breaking eye contact, he raised his free arm to thread his fingers through Hwitaek’s hair. The older man leaned in to his touch, and he shuffled forward on the stool until he was only just seated by a sliver of arse. Their faces were so close that their lips were almost touching. Shinwon breathed in—he was momentarily mesmerised by how perfect Hwitaek looked up close, with his eyes half-closed and mouth slightly agape—and he shut his own eyes as he pressed his lips on top of Hwitaek’s, and his fingers in his hair twitched.

The kiss was chaste and slow, but there was something different about the way Hwitaek’s lips felt that evening. Shinwon pinned it down to a newfound sense of security. He knew in that moment that Hwitaek was his for good; and dare he say it, maybe there was a chance that they were going to survive enlistment, after all.

A loud scrape echoed around the room as Hwitaek lifted up off his own stool, and he broke the kiss as he sat down in Shinwon’s lap. Shinwon untangled their hands to hook his arm around Hwitaek’s waist to hold him in place, and he kissed him once more as Hwitaek wrapped his arms around his shoulders. This time, Shinwon tilted his head to deepen their kiss, and Hwitaek sighed.

“Are we going to be okay, hyung?” said Shinwon, when they parted. Their foreheads were still touching, and their lips were still so close that it was easy to just kiss again.

“Of course we will,” said Hwitaek.

“It’s just, by the time you can be Pentagon’s Hui again, I won’t be around.”

“Shinwon-ah, _Hui_ might not be around, but your _boyfriend_ Lee Hwitaek will still be here.” Hwitaek pressed a brief kiss on Shinwon’s lips, and then he pulled back further. “By the way, you should have told me you hated Lonely Night.”

“You said it yourself, hyung,” said Shinwon, “you can’t control what you dream.”

“Yeah, but still, it was affecting you. It was making you miserable.”

“I don’t think it will anymore, now that I know _why_ you kept singing it.”

“How about I sing you to sleep with another song?” Hwitaek smiled. “I’ll sing whatever you choose.”

“It’s my choice?” Shinwon thought for a moment. “In that case … how about Never Ending Story?”

“Ya,” said Hwitaek, as he continued to smile, “why do you keep picking such difficult songs?”

“You’re the main vocalist, hyung.”

Hwitaek laughed as he let go of Shinwon to slide off lap, and landed on his feet. His hand found Shinwon’s, and he gently tugged his arm.

“Sure, I’ll sing it for you,” he said, “but I’m going to have to find a karaoke version of it on YouTube. I don’t know it that well.”

Shinwon smiled as he too stood up. “I’m sure Hongseok hyung’s going to love this.”

Hwitaek almost doubled over from laughing. Shinwon’s grin widened as he squeezed their hands. Hongseok could come and tell them off as much as he wanted, but that would never matter as long as he had Hwitaek by his side.

***

Shinwon was in the Cube building when the clock ticked over to Friday and his birthday had officially started. He smiled whenever his phone buzzed with a message wishing him ‘happy birthday’, and he was on a high by the time he’d turned on V Live to celebrate with Universe.

All this meant that it was some time past one when he returned to the dorm. As he pushed the front door open, he frowned when he saw the kitchen light was still on. His first thought was that Hyunggu must have forgot to turn it off behind him—but when he came up to the doorframe, he laughed when he saw Hwitaek sat at the island and waving at him.

“Happy birthday, Shinwon-ah,” said Hwitaek, as he slid off the stool.

Shinwon walked up to him with open arms, and he pulled Hwitaek into a hug.

“You shouldn’t have stayed up, hyung,” said Shinwon. Well, as touched as he was, he still had to keep up some pretence. “It’s getting late.”

Hwitaek pulled back far enough to look up, and he pouted. Shinwon wanted to kiss the pout off his face so badly.

“How can I sleep without my boyfriend?” said Hwitaek. “Anyway, I can see why you liked waiting for me.”

“What did you do when you were waiting?”

“I watched your live.”

“Is that all you did?” It was Shinwon’s turn to pout. “If your room isn’t full of birthday presents for me—”

Hwitaek cut him off with a laugh. “You’re going to get them throughout the day,” he said. He put a hand on the back of Shinwon’s head, and pulled him down so that their lips met in a brief kiss. “That’s the first one.”

“You don’t have to be so shy, hyung.”

Hwitaek raised his eyebrows. “Most people don’t complain about their presents.”

“I’m not. I’m just saying, you’re my boyfriend, you don’t have to hold back.”

“Shinwon-ah, I’m not going to give you your best present just yet, am I?” Hwitaek looked exasperated rather than angry, and Shinwon couldn’t help but lean in again to kiss him on the forehead.

“I’m just kidding,” he said. “I can’t wait to see what else you’ve got for me.”

Shinwon was only making a minor fuss to be cute; it really wouldn’t have mattered if Hwitaek hadn’t prepared anything. Just the fact that Hwitaek was there for his birthday, when they had both been certain that he wouldn’t, was already enough for him. Just being able to kiss each other goodnight, and to fall asleep while spooning Hwitaek, was enough.

When Shinwon woke up, he realised that he was alone, and the door was open by a crack. Since when did Hwitaek leave, and how did he managed to wriggle out of Shinwon’s arms without waking him up? Shinwon took in a deep breath as he sat up, and he thought he could smell a waft of freshly grilled fish. The smell persisted even as he got dressed and left the bedroom.

Shinwon thought that he would run into Hongseok or Hyunggu, but it seemed that the dorm was empty. The only noise he could hear was someone’s footsteps coming from the kitchen, and the gentle clatter of a plate being placed on a table. When Shinwon walked up to the kitchen door, he saw Hwitaek’s back facing him; and he was about to speak when his glance shifted to the kitchen island, and his mouth remained hanging open. There were quite a few dishes placed on top, but Shinwon’s attention was drawn to the plate in the middle, which was stacked with gulbi that looked well-seared. Next to the gulbi was a cake with an unlit candle, and placed in front was an eye mask.

Hwitaek yelped, and Shinwon looked up to see his boyfriend now facing him.

“Did I just ruin my own surprise?” said Shinwon. “I can unsee everything—”

Hwitaek blushed as walked over to the island. “No, it’s fine,” he said. He picked up the eye mask, and stuffed it into a pocket in his jeans. “I didn’t think you’d wake up so early.”

“I’m sure we can find another use for that later on.”

Hwitaek blushed even harder. Shinwon smiled as he walked up to his boyfriend, and he drew him into a hug.

“Thank you,” he said, before he kissed Hwitaek’s temple. “Where are Hongseok and Hyunggu, by the way?”

“Hongseok went to the gym,” said Hwitaek, “he wanted to get his workout out of the way nice and early, so he could celebrate with you properly later on. Hyunggu went to find Wooseok and Yuto.”

Shinwon nodded. “Right, and did they know you were going to cook me breakfast, by any chance?”

Hwitaek giggled. “Maybe.” He glanced over his shoulder, and then he wriggled free from Shinwon. “While you’re here, can you get the chopsticks? We should eat before the food gets cold.”

Shinwon obeyed, and he pulled open a drawer to grab the chopsticks. He sat down next to Hwitaek, and handed him a pair.

“I feel really spoilt,” said Shinwon. He watched Hwitaek reach to pick open a gulbi. “Nobody’s ever cooked me breakfast before.”

“That’s good. I wanted to spoil you.” Hwitaek managed to loosen a piece of fish. Shinwon didn’t need to wait for a prompt; he opened his mouth the moment Hwitaek’s chopsticks were close to him, and he took a bite. “Does it taste okay?”

Shinwon answered him with a delighted squeal.

“Alright, what’s the real answer?” said Hwitaek.

Shinwon swallowed, and then gave an exaggerated gasp. “That was the real answer,” he said. “Try it.” He pinched a piece of gulbi and fed it to Hwitaek. The moment the latter finished, his eyes lit up, and he also squealed.

“What do you think is better?” said Shinwon, as he grabbed more fish. “My bulgogi or your gulbi?”

“Your bulgogi,” said Hwitaek immediately. He started to pick at a side dish. “I’ve been dying to have some more since October.”

“You should’ve told me earlier. There was a discount on a beef set about two weeks ago.”

“Yeah, but if you cook bulgogi for me all the time, you’re going to get better at it.”

Shinwon rolled his eyes. “What’s wrong with me cooking beef perfectly?”

“I don’t want it perfect. I love your bulgogi _because_ it’s imperfect.”

Shinwon blushed, but he still tutted and pretended to look annoyed. He dislodged a larger piece of gulbi this time, and he dropped it onto Hwitaek’s plate.

“You should eat more,” said Hwitaek. “It’s your birthday. I cooked it for you.”

“You won the gulbi. You should eat more as well.”

“It’s your prize as well. I was never going to eat this on my own.”

“I know,” said Shinwon, in a quieter voice than before. He waited while Hwitaek turned to look at him. “You never thought you’d make this so late, did you?”

Hwitaek frowned. “We shouldn’t talk about my enlistment today.”

Shinwon shook his head as he reached to clasp his hand over Hwitaek’s. As if it was a reflex, Hwitaek shifted his hand so that he was gripping the entirety of Shinwon’s thumb.

“It’s fine,” said Shinwon. “I know you wanted to save the gulbi for a special day. You were thinking about your enlistment, weren’t you?”

Hwitaek nodded. He pinched the large piece that Shinwon had put on his plate, and then he lifted up his chopsticks, as if he was asking a question. Since Shinwon didn’t have the heart to resist him, he opened his mouth, and let Hwitaek feed him.

“Well, I prefer _this_ special day,” said Hwitaek. Shinwon nodded. “I don’t think I would have got to feed you like this on that Thursday.”

“You would have.” Shinwon slipped his thumb free, and then he laced all of his fingers with Hwitaek’s. “It just would have been a very different feeling.”

Hwitaek smiled slightly. “That’s true. I wasn’t even your boyfriend back then.”

Shinwon turned to look at the dishes. As a distraction, he went to grab another piece of gulbi, but he almost dropped his chopsticks when he felt Hwitaek squeeze his hand back.

“I guess I wasn’t meant to leave until we’d sorted things out,” Hwitaek continued. “I’m glad I stayed.”

“Me too.” Shinwon put the gulbi down onto Hwitaek’s plate, and then he looked up at him. He had, after all, only asked Hwitaek if he could _call_ him his boyfriend; that was different to _being_ a boyfriend. “Do you really want to be my boyfriend, hyung?”

Hwitaek laughed. “Of course I do, Shinwon-ah. I’ve wanted to for a while now. I was just waiting for you to be ready as well.”

“What if I still wasn’t ready now? Would you have given up?”

“Never.” Hwitaek’s grip on his hand tightened. “Remember that night when you got drunk? I knew I had to keep you after that night.”

Shinwon pursed his lips. There wasn’t anything he could say to that, so he kissed Hwitaek on his cheek. His lips remained pressed on Hwitaek’s face until he felt the older man nudge his chest with his elbow, and Shinwon drew back.

“Don’t you want to kiss me somewhere else?” said Hwitaek, smiling.

“I do,” said Shinwon, as he put his chopsticks down.

He kissed Hwitaek on the lips this time. All the fears he’d kept inside had lifted at last, and all he could feel right now was pure warmth and love. His brain, however, was not excellent at handling anything romantic for too long; and when Shinwon drew back, he said, “You taste like fish.”

“So do you,” said Hwitaek. “Eat up. Don’t waste my cooking.”

“Yes, hyung.” Shinwon reached to pick up the topmost gulbi; and as he did, he clutched Hwitaek’s hand even harder.

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: [ninetailkyungho](https://twitter.com/ninetailkyungho).


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